I'm trying to desperately figure out the root of my weight issues. I'm having a really hard time with this. It all started last night. I was watching the Biggest Loser last night. I see them crying and happy about the changes in their bodies and I start to think that could be me. I get inspired and swear that I'm going to go to the gym the next day. I swear that I'm going to eat right. I cry and make these empty promised to myself. Then the next morning I DON'T go to the gym and I don't eat anything until around 4 or 5pm.
This brings me to my mental blocks. I'm trying to figure out why I WANT to lose weight, but my actions reflect something totally opposite. I once set a goal to run the Virginia Ten Miler in September 2010 as well as the Charlottesville Women's Four Miler. My husband has even made preliminary arrangements to go on a weight-loss celebratory trip to Florida. That says to me that he has faith that I'm serious and going to lose the weight and run my races. I don't know what happened in my head somewhere after Oct 5. I keep on saying that it is because I started the new job hours on Oct 7. But, if I want something bad enough, I would do it. By the way, this past Monday I did not go to the gym after work. I was too tired. I have been terribly depressed since my heels have limited my walking. But, again, if I wanted to meet this goal (which would help me meet other goals) I would ge in that gym and eating correctly no matter what. So, what is keeping me from doing it? I have noticed that I am afraid to get on new equipment and try new things in the gym. I think I'm going to see how much a personal trainer would be at my gym. Maybe if someone was waiting for me to come to the gym, I'd go back.
I really don't know what my problem is. Every day I live is another chance to change my course, but I just don't. Why? What is holding me back? If I could lose weight, I could free myself from much of my mental anguish. I could live out my dreams. How can I lose the mental "weight" that is holding me back?
