Mental blocks

     I'm trying to desperately figure out the root of my weight issues. I'm having a really hard time with this. It all started last night. I was watching the Biggest Loser last night. I see them crying and happy about the changes in their bodies and I start to think that could be me. I get inspired and swear that I'm going to go to the gym the next day. I swear that I'm going to eat right. I cry and make these empty promised to myself. Then the next morning I DON'T go to the gym and I don't eat anything until around 4 or 5pm.
   This brings me to my mental blocks. I'm trying to figure out why I WANT to lose weight, but my actions reflect something totally opposite. I once set a goal to run the Virginia Ten Miler in September 2010 as well as the Charlottesville Women's Four Miler. My husband has even made preliminary arrangements to go on a weight-loss celebratory trip to Florida. That says to me that he has faith that I'm serious and going to lose the weight and run my races. I don't know what happened in my head somewhere after Oct 5. I keep on saying that it is because I started the new job hours on Oct 7. But, if I want something bad enough, I would do it. By the way, this past Monday I did not go to the gym after work. I was too tired. I have been terribly depressed since my heels have limited my walking. But, again, if I wanted to meet this goal (which would help me meet other goals) I would ge in that gym and eating correctly no matter what. So, what is keeping me from doing it? I have noticed that I am afraid to get on new equipment and try new things in the gym. I think I'm going to see how much a personal trainer would be at my gym. Maybe if someone was waiting for me to come to the gym, I'd go back.
   I really don't know what my problem is. Every day I live is another chance to change my course, but I just don't. Why? What is holding me back? If I could lose weight, I could free myself from much of my mental anguish. I could live out my dreams. How can I lose the mental "weight" that is holding me back?

Dusting myself off

   It has been nearly one month since I last posted about my weight loss journey. There has been a legitimate reason for the delay. As I have previously posted, since August 2008, I have been suffering from a heel spur problem. It started in August 2008 with a little pain in my right heel maybe once per month. It has progressed to excrutiating pain in both heels.  I have spurs on both heels. I was seeing one doctor, but felt that I would like to explore the services of another doctor. I just wanted to see what another doctor may suggest. About 3 weeks ago I went to another doctor for platelet rich plasma therapy (PRP) on both of my heels. I have been in so much pain from the treatment that I have had little mobility. Walking has become a near impossibility. On Thanksgiving day I decided to do some more in depth research on this spur problem...causes, treatments, etc. I read in a number of places online that spurs can possibly be a direct result of eating habits. Some people have found relief from spurs by taking increased calcium and magnesium. I started taking the suggested 1,500 mg of calcium (via the ever-fun Vitafusion gummies) and 750mg of magnesium. I also read that apple cider vinegar (ACV) may help. I've been taking ACV with "the mother" for a while now, but in too low a dose. Anyway, long story short, today my feet were pain-free enough that I was able to resume my gym regime. I was there at 5:45am this morning. I decided that if I were able to start going again, I would also go after work at 3:45pm. So, after work I will be there. I need to make up for 2 months worth of slacking. I just need the pain to stay away. I don't TRULY know what made the pain go away slightly today. I hope it is the supplements and that it will eventually go completely away. I still want to run in September 2010. Maybe it was all of the praying my family and I have been doing that made today possible.